As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.

The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.

By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.

The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and stops next to the man.

The driver rolls down the window. It's a squirrel.

It says, "Not as easy as it looks is it."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Irish accent asked 'What might ye be sellin' here?'

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'

Without skipping a beat, the Irishman said, 'You are doing very well... only two left!'

Englishmen - God bless them - should not mess with the Irish.

• When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
• A penny saved is a government oversight.
• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
• because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
• He who hesitates is probably right.
• Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'
• If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
• There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
• For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
• Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs?'
• Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
• The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
• Some people try to turn back their odometers.
• Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
• I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
• When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
• You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
• One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
• Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
• First you forget names, then you forget faces.
• Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
• Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

"Da End is Near! Turn You self Around Now! Before It's Too Late!"

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious nuts!'

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash... Boudreaux turns to Thibodaux and asks, 'Do ya tink maybe da sign should jus say

'Bridge Out'?

I thought it was one of those fake emails too, until I saw the photo below. Somehow the woman was lodged in the leopard's throat and they finally cut the leopard's head off to let the woman escape. She was unharmed…. Unbelievable!!