• There are no men in church on the first day of deer season
• There is only one Catholic church in your county.
• Thanksgiving dinner includes "polk greens" and no one really knows what it is.
• During the summer, you can run out of food and not go shopping for a week because everyone you know invited you to a "fish fry".
• You regularly attend "fish fries".
• Those "You might be a redneck jokes" apply to you or someone you know.
• Everyone knows what chicken wire is.
• You say words like "herebouts" as in "she must not be from herebouts".
• You can experience all four seasons in the same week.
• The cheerleaders win more awards than the football team.
• It goes from 70 degrees to 45 in three hours.
• After prom you wind up in one of two places, the bowling alley or IHOP.
• You use use phrases like "wind up" to describe where you end up.
• The most popular place to be after a football game is Wal-Mart (please bring cameras).
• You say "simular" instead of "similar".
• Everyone you know owns a pick-up truck.
• A '65 Mustang is the equivalent to the Hope diamond.
• NASCAR and home state college football are practiced religions.
• Instead of discussing the finer points of the porche and ferrari, you hear shouting matches about who makes a better truck, Ford or Chevy.
• You either live on a farm or know someone who does.
• The marching band is just as important as the football team. 
• The band members are usually considered more cool than the football players.
• You know at least 10 people who go by their middle name.
• You think think Anit-semitism is a form of cement decay.
• You know why America should be afraid of Huckabee becoming president.
• You know how to spell "yawmpto" and what it means.
• Every Latino is a "Mexican" regardless of where they are actually from.
• You "bake" potatoes on the grill.
• Grilling is not only a pastime, it's a sport, or a way of life, depending on what region you're in.
• In the winter, you hate the rain, and in the summer, you forget what it is.
• The tornado siren is your signal to go outside and look for a funnel.
• Nobody says a word when someone wheres a chicken suit to school.
• Hunting season is a valid reason to skip school.
• You know what to fear more, a serial killer or a hillbilly.  (case and point, you don't go up into the mountains alone.....period)
• If someone says they're going to take you to the "bottoms", you run the other way.  (for you northerners, this would be the equivalent of an Italian saying they're going to take you to the docks)
• You don't go to the bottoms by yourself....period.
• You know what snipe hunting is.
• You know what frog gigging is.
• You have gone "cow tipping".
• You never insult your elders to their face until you've learned words that they don't know.
• You know what cantankerous means.
• You've had a "coniption".
• You have more than one gun rack.
• You have been to a "shot-gun" wedding. (this didn't necessarily mean the bride was pregnant)
• AND....you know someone who's parents are related.

Submitted by Kellie and Kris somewhere in Arkansas
 

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... she lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

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Submitted by my little brother Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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Media Release: IKEA has announced its intention to start selling cars

And of course they send along the only tool you'll need!

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia
 

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March 26th Humor Page