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| Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing.
After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water.
After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite.
Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"
Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.
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| A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too thin. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Submitted by Paul, Oklahoma City, OK
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| A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot
of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C. and those bungholes took $95.00 in taxes.
Submitted by Jim, Gettysburg, Pa.
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Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.
As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| Why do I drink so much milk? - Download Video Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.
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The Secret to Long Life ![[]](../../../pictures/2009/ATT11.jpg)
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all.."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.
Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY
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April 13th Humor Page
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