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| A man received a bill for his, as yet unused credit card, stating that he owed $0.00.
He ignored it and threw it away. In February, he received another and threw that one away, too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating that they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00.
He called them and was told that it was a computer error, and that they would take care of it.
The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card, figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store when he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases, he found that his card had been cancelled.
He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again, and was told that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day, the latest bill was yet another mistake he ignored it,
trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.
The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.
Finally giving in, he thought he would beat the company at their own game by mailing them a check for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.
A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a check for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation, the bank replied that the $0.00 check had caused their check processing software to fail. The bank could not now process ANY checks from ANY of their customers that day because the check for $0.00 was causing the
computer to crash.
The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his check had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00, and unless he sent a check they would be taking steps to recover the debt.
The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| A workman was killed at a construction site.
The police began questioning a number of the other workers. Based on past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime suspects. They were a motley crew:
The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.
The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.
The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed.
The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.
The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.
The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly.
The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter. The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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| Alberta and Emory are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. Emory picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks Alberta.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along Alberta picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks Emory?
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she replies.
Emory retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down'
Submitted by Jim, Gettysburg, Pa.
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| Is your home security system as good as this one? - Download Video Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.
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Engineering Math Question
A JCB weighing 22 tons is on top of a lowboy trailer and heading east on Interstate 70 near Hays, Kansas. The extended shovel arm is made of hardened refined steel and the approaching overpass is made of commercial-grade concrete, re-enforced with 1 1/2 inch steel rebar spaced at 6 inch intervals in a crisscross
pattern layered at 1 foot vertical spacing.
Solve: When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast do you have to be going to slice the bridge in half? (Assume no effect for headwind and no braking by the driver...)
Extra Credit: Solve for the time and distance required for the entire rig to come to a complete stop after hitting the overpass at the speed calculated above.
Yes, you can neglect friction.
![[]](../../../pictures/2009/crain1.jpg)
![[]](../../../pictures/2009/crain2.jpg)
![[]](../../../pictures/2009/crain3.jpg)
I couldn't solve it either......but who cares;
The pictures are great! The driver was on his cell phone..................
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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April 17th Humor Page
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