• When your spouse's shocked voice shouts from the shop, "Honey, come quick, I've had a terrible accident!", you show up breathless with a mop and scent neutraliser.
• You wake panicked in the middle of the night when you sense you suddenly have room to move your body around the bed.
• You can't sleep unless you hear lots of heavy breathing in your bedroom
• The emergency number on your speed dialler is for the dog's veterinarian.
• When someone taps you on the shoulder, you tell them firmly, "Off!", then "Down!".
• When tempers flare among your family members, you pull out the long forefinger, pointedly raise your voice and shout "Go to your crates, now!"
• When someone asks what's for dinner you automatically reply, "Kibbles and Bits".
• When you are walking a ring around the local park and someone points at you and your dog, you raise both arms over your head, whoop and go looking for a ribbon.
• When shopping, your best friend asks you what you think of that snappy suit in the window, and you scowl and mutter, "Useless, it is the same colour as my dog and it has no pockets."
• When your neighbour points to her crawling infant and asks you what you think of her new baby, you study it for a minute and reply, "Well, a little short on coat and long in the hock, but that kid has a great top line!"

In every Human Resources report, there is a reason for termination. There are so many possibilities, that we have narrowed the list down to the 7 dwarfs. Here they are:

• Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler.
• Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work.
• Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays.
• Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings.
• Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds.
• Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion.
• Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer.

OTHERS

• Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies.
• Snow White: Misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance.
• Huntsman: Couldn't stand to be cooped up in the office all day. Pursuing work with the National Forest Service.

• They were originally told that kayaking was to take place in the Deep Tunnel Sewer Project
• Due to a court decision, street gangs were to have equal chance at the concession business.
• Someone on the committee learned that other than the Chicago Marathon, drug running is the most popular sport.
• The committee was disappointed that the first Mayor Daley was not on hand to speak to the delegates.
• The delegates learned that the primary food to be served to the athletes were Italian beef and Pepper and Egg sandwiches, Big Macs, and washed down by Goose Island Beer.
• Somebody found out that the raising of the Michigan Ave Bridge and occasional pot shots from Cabrini-Green Housing project might interrupt the marathon.
• The Chicago Aviation Department told the officials that it might take two-hours to pass customs, one hour to get a cab and three days to search for their lost luggage.
• Because of the 2016 Housewares Convention at McCormick Place, attending foreign dignitaries would have to find a hotel room in the Quad Cities.
• Oprah Winfrey used a stand-in for her speech.
• They found out that President Barack Obama was really born in Nairobi.