The officer took off after the speeder and soon had the car pulled over on the side of the road. Expecting trouble with such a reckless driver, the patrolman approached cautiously.

To his surprise the driver of the offending vehicle was a little old lady, barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel.

"Ma’am," the officer began. "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was just getting her up around 90, I believe, officer," the old lady answered calmly, peering up at him through her bifocals. "Why, what seems to be the problem?"

Shocked, the officer returned her comment, "What seems to be the problem? Why, this is a 35mph zone! That’s the problem. Didn’t you see the sign?"

"Oh sure," the old lady returned, "That’s why I’m driving so fast. I’m just trying to follow it’s instruction."

Dumbfounded, the officer was momentarily speechless.

"Just what sign are you talking about, Ma’am?" he asked, when he finally recovered.

Smiling up at the officer, the old lady placed a gentle hand on his wrist

and said, "Why, the one that said ‘Speed Zone Ahead’, of course!"

• If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
• If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
• When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
• Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
• If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
• Movie-related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.
• Cookie pieces contain no calories ­ the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
• Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
• Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
• Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories.

• I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
• I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
• Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days a week. You guess which 3
• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
• Fight crime – Shoot back
• Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
• Clear the Road I AM SIXTEEN
• He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
• I got this motor home for my wife. Best deal I ever made
• Hang up and drive.
• If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Over… [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
• If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.