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| The strong young man at the construction site was bragging... .... that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said,
"All right. Get in."
Submitted by Pastor Jon, Emmitsburg, Md.
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| A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning.
Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?" the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, Va.
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After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The playful clerk handed him a mirror.
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Advertising terms explained
- New - Different color from previous design.
- All new - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
- Exclusive - Imported product.
- Unmatched - Almost as good as the competition.
- Foolproof operation - No provision for adjustments.
- Advanced design - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
- It's here at last - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
- Field tested - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
- High accuracy - Unit on which all parts fit.
- Futuristic - No other reason why it looks the way it does.
- Redesigned - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.
- Direct sales only - Factory had a big argument with distributor.
- Years of development - We finally got one to work.
- Breakthrough - We finally figured out a use for it.
- Maintenance free - Impossible to fix.
- Meets all standards - Ours, not yours.
- Solid-state - Heavy as anything!
- High reliability - We made it work long enough to ship it
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Interesting Ads and Signs
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
- Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
- Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
- This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
- For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
- For Sale: Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
- Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last
- Stock up and save. Limit: one
- We build bodies that last a lifetime
- See ladies blouses. 50% Off!
- Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!
- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
- For sale: A quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
- Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
- 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
- Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
- Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
- Modular Sofas. Only $299 For rest or fore play.
- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
- Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.
- Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
- Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale
- And now, the Superstore - unequalled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivalled inconvenience.
- We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.
- Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
- When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and Up after.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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| Waterman - Download Video
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Sept 24th Humor Page |
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