Southerners are pretty
skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that what we
needed our own "Southern" symbols:
OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Although you
appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras
have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his
life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away
from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come
from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something
of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In
dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius.
Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20) You have
an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface
of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior
of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven
as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is
going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20) You're the
type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch
to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round
are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get
remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This
might be the year to think about aerobics. Or - maybe not.
POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21) When confronted
with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to
withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude.
Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're
dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but
seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you
may find your problems actually running you over.
CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is
a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging
around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the
mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the
living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive
physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards
have a genius for communication. They love to get in the
"melting pot" of life and share their essence with the
essence of those round them. Collards make good social workers,
psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal
life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It
just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are
traditionalists in matters of the heart, although your whiskers
may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy
people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear
surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from
Moon Pies.
GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest
aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle
together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel
though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do
you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or
butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all
these things, that serves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You
have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately,
those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find
that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism
will probably affect you deeply because you are really much
softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry
anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed
life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will
always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always
invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with
everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown
on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the
setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too,
shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a
tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite
gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots,
fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not
concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned
with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in
your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry
another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky mating
possibility.
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa