Back in the time of the Samurai there was a
powerful emperor . . .
. . . who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a
declaration throughout the country that he was searching for
one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up: a Japanese
Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai.
The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and
demonstrate why he should be head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai
opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his
sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces. The
emperor exclaimed: "That is very impressive!"
The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and
demonstrate. The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out
pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on
the ground in 4 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is
really very impressive!"
The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he
should be the head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a
match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes
whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh
whoooooooosshhh whoooooooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room,
but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks: "After all of
that, why is the fly not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai smiled, "Well, circumcision is not
intended to kill......"
Submitted By Larry, Walkersville, Md.
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A quick illustration
of the basic problem of US government . . .
- Pythagorean theorem: 24 Words
- Archimedes' Principle: 67 Words
- The 10 Commandments: 179 Words
- The U. S. Government regulations
on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 Words
Submitted by Jon, Miamisburg,
Oh.
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One day a man
spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it
vigorously, and a genie appeared.
"I'll grant you your
fondest wish," the genie said.
The man thought for a moment,
then said, "I want a spectacular job – a job that no man
has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try!"
"Poof!" said the
genie, "You're a housewife!"
Submitted by Mary, Charlottesville,
Va.
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He who laughs
last, thinks slowest.
- Everyone has a photographic
memory. Some don't have film.
- On the other hand, you have
different fingers.
- Change is inevitable, except
from a vending machine.
- I just got lost in thought.
It was unfamiliar territory.
- Seen it all, done it all,
can't remember most of it.
- I feel like I'm diagonally
parked in a parallel universe
- He's not dead, he's
electroencephalographically challenged.
- Honk if you love peace and
quiet.
- It is hard to understand how
a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost
of living.
- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime
you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's
a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- You can't have everything,
where would you put it?
- Latest survey shows that 3
out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
- I wished the buck stopped
here, as I could use a few.
- I started out with nothing,
and I still have most of it.
- Light travels faster than
sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear
them speak.
Submitted by Bill,
Narberth, Pa
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Never be afraid
to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark -
Professionals built the Titanic.
- Conscience is what hurts
when everything else feels so good.
- Talk is cheap because supply
exceeds demand.
- Stupidity got us into this
mess... why can't it get us out?
- Love is grand; divorce is a
hundred grand.
- Even if you are on the right
track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Politicians and diapers have
one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly,
and for the same reason.
- There is always death and
taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.
- Sign in a loan company
window: "Now you can borrow enough money to get
completely out of debt."
- People will accept your
ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin
Franklin said it first.
- It's easier to fight for
one's principles than to live up to them.
- Indecision is the key to
flexibility.
- If it ain't broke, fix it
till it is.
- I plan on living forever. So
far, so good.
- I am in shape. Round is a
shape.
- Practice safe eating -
always use condiments.
- A day without sunshine is
like night.
- I have kleptomania, but when
it gets bad, I take something for it.
- I am not a perfectionist. My
parents were though.
- You're getting old when you
get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once
got from a roller coaster.
- The real art of conversation
is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but
also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- Time may be a great healer,
but it's also a lousy beautician.
- Brain cells come and brain
cells go, but fat cells live forever.
- Age doesn't always bring
wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
- Life not only begins at
forty, it begins to show.
- You don't stop laughing
because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped
laughing.
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