Humor Additions for Monday, Sept 18th, 2003
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" 

... The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

  • A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.

    Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another."

    The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
     
  • A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

    "Me either doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
     
  • An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

    The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

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Love Through the Eyes of Children

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year- olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

  • "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8
  • "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
  • "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell! each other." Karl - age 5
  • "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6
  • "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4
  • Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
  • "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8
  • "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen," Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
  • "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6
  • "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7
  • "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6
  • "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore," Cindy - age 8
  • "My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare ! - age 6
  • "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine - age 5
  • "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
  • "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
  • "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
  • "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7
  • "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6 ! ; -"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 6

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, PA.
 

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For those who are complaining about how long the war is taking but:
  • It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.
     
  • It took less time to find evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.
     
  • It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick.
     
  • It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!

Wow our military is GREAT

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, MD.
 

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Sept 5th Humor Page