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Really, really bad one-line
groaners ... Part 2
- Once you've seen one shopping center,
you've seen a mall.
- Those who jump off a Paris bridge are
in Seine.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a
knead-to-know basis.
- Santa's helpers are subordinate
clauses.
- Acupuncture is a jab well done.
- Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one
was a salted.
- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
- A dyslexic drunk staggered into a bra.
- A man walks into a bar with a slab of
asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the
road."
- Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in
love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the
reception was excellent.
- A drunk walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he
says.
- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green,
Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
- "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
- Two cows standing next to each other in
a field, Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated
this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no
bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
- An invisible man marries an invisible
woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One
says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
- The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
- Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard
this bull before.
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers
the other day but I couldn't find any.
- I went to the butcher's the other day
and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the
top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
- I went to a seafood disco rave last
week.... and pulled a mussel.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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A college professor, an avowed
Atheist, was teaching his class.
He shocked several of his
students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no
God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real,
then I want you to knock me off this platform I'll give you 15
minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could
have heard a pin fall. Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God,
saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
His countdown got down to the last couple
of minutes when a Marine - just released from active duty and
newly registered in the class - walked up to the professor, hit
him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty
platform. The professor was out cold! At first, the students were
shocked and babbled in confusion. The
young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent. The
class fell silent...waiting.
Eventually, the professor came to, shaken.
He looked at the young Marine in the front row. When the professor
regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What's the matter
with you? Why did you do that?"
"God was busy. He sent me."
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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Interesting word/phrase origins -
Take 4 In the
1700s personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a
result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood.
The women would spread beeswax over their facial skin to smooth
out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a
woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told "mind
your own bee's wax."
Should the woman smile, the wax would
crack, hence the term "crack a smile".
Also, when they sat too close to the fire,
the wax would melt and therefore the expression "losing face".
Submitted by Dolly,
Myersville, MD.
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Life in America Take
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April
30th Humor Page
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