Return to: Top of Page, List of Humorous Sayings, My Little Sister's Jokes,

• "My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." - Tim Cahill
• "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." - Mark Viduka.
• "Guus Hiddink is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had." - Lucas Neill.
• "If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." - John Aloisi.
• "I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." - Ned Zelic.
• "I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." - Mark Schwarzer.
• "I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." - Vince Grella.
• "You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." - Harry Kewell.
• "I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." - Mile Sterjovski.
• "Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough." - Mark Viduka.
• "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - Craig Moore.
• "I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right." - Harry Kewell.
• "I couldn't settle in Italy- it was like living in a foreign country." - Vince Grella.
• "Germany is a very difficult team to play . . . they have 11 internationals out there." - Zeljko Kalac.
• "I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." - Jason Culina.
• "The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European." - Scott Chipperfield.
• "All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." - Marco Bresciano.
• "One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." - Craig Moore.

Submitted by Lindsey, Melbourne, Australia
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Sports Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Jim says "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." So, the man in the boat drives off.

The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in.

Jim replies, "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." The person in the boat then leaves.

The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney. Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.

Jim tells her "That's ok."

The woman says "Are you sure?"

Jim says, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me. Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns. Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God.

Jim says to God "You told me you would take care of me! What happened?"

God replied "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Religious Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington immediately.

Submitted by Eleanor, San Francisco, Calif.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Un-Categorizable Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,

That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Specs and Bureaucracies live forever.

So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's rear came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Interesting Facts, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Redneck Palm Pilot

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

July 5th Humor Page