• 1/20/09: End of an Error
• That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
• Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First
• If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
• Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber
• If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
• Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant
• Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
• George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
• Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blowjobs Anymore
• America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
• They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
• Who's God Do You Kill For?
• Cheney/Satan '08
• Jail to the Chief
• No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
• Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap
• Bad President! No Banana.
• We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
• We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
• Is It Vietnam Yet?
• Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
• Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Hand Basket?
• You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
• Impeach Cheney First
• Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too
• When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
• Pray For Impeachment
• Fermez la Bush
• The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
• What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
• One Nation Under Clod
• 2004: Embarrassed 2005: Horrified 2006: Terrified
• Bush Never Exhaled
• At Least Nixon Resigned

The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.

Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.

A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn.

This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.

• Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
• Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
• Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
• No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
• Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).