..., slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour. The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?'

I still don't know to this day if she was joking... but I have stopped fishing.

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to and whispers, '$2,700.'

The Governor is incredulous and whispers back, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Chicago contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.'

'Done!' replies . And that my friends, is how it all works in Illinois politics!!!

Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"

• Everyone is excited about purchasing a used fax machine.
• Operators still have a patch-cord switchboard and they take messages by hand using "While You Were Out" pads.
• Everyone in accounting uses 10-key adding machines.
• The free cafeteria serves Coca-Cola in antique 6-1/2 ounce bottles.
• Quotations are only mailed to customers.
• The have pension plans, full health insurance benefits, and profit sharing that is 100% vested to every employee
• The firm has a nice Christmas party and summer company picnic every year, all expenses paid.
• The salaries are paid weekly in cash in bright blue envelopes.
• The CEO is so nice, everyone calls him affectionately "The Old Man".
• Everyone passes the hat for weddings, funerals, births, and Bar Mitzvahs.
• Your pension check is paid yearly with increases matching company profits.
• Nobody in the executive office would ever think about doing something illegal, especially to his or her worthy competitors.
• There is no voice mail or automated attendants, and everyone comes in at 8 a.m. and goes home at 4 p.m.
• All of your letters are stored in handy filing cabinets that are found in the 13th floor.
• All of the bosses in the office are men. All of the women are secretaries.