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| A guy comes into a coffee shop and places his order... ... he says "I want three flat tires and a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen and asks the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires and a pair of headlights and pair of running boards. What does he think, this is an auto parts store?"
"No" the cook says, "three flat tires means three pancakes and a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up and running boards is 2 slices crisp bacon."
"Oh," says the waitress. She thinks about this for a while, and then she spoons up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer.
The guy says, "What are the beans for?"
The waitress replies, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might want to gas up."
Submitted by John, Emmitsburg, Md.
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| As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night.
I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate.
One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.
"How old are you?" I typed.
"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?"
Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten."
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Jill received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery...
... and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.
"Is this some kind of mistake?" Jill asked when she got the doctor on the phone.
"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.
"Well," said Jill, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."
"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| In every Human Resources report, there is a reason for termination.
There are so many possibilities, that we have narrowed the list down to the 7 dwarfs. Here they are:
- Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler.
- Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work.
- Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays.
- Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings.
- Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds.
- Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion.
- Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer.
OTHERS
- Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies.
- Snow White: Misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance.
- Huntsman: Couldn't stand to be cooped up in the office all day. Pursuing work with the National Forest Service.
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| Elevator Fun In Germany - Download Video Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.
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Nov 25th Humor Page
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