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If College Students Wrote the Bible
- The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
- The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font.
- A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
- Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
- Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's E-mail to abuse@romans.gov.
- The reason Cain killed Abel; they were room mates.
- Reason why Moses and followers walked the desert for 40 years; they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
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Ever Wonder Why ...
- Stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
- People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
- Banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
- We leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
- The sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- Don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
- Lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
- A man who invests all your money called a broker?
- The time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
- There isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?
- Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- They sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
- Sheep shrink when it rains?
- If flying is so safe, they call the airport the terminal?
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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| I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time.
It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.
For years, he refused... told me I was crazy.
But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 of an inch shorter than his right. A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.
"So," I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg."
He just looked at me and said, "I, stand corrected."
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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What You May Not Know 'Bout Noah....
- Why couldn't they play cards on the ark? Noah was sitting on the deck
- What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark? "Now I herd everything"
- Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic? They kept saying neigh
- What animal could Noah not trust? The cheetah
- What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Flood lights
- Who was the first canning factory run by? Noah - he had a boat full of preserved pairs
- Was Noah the first one out of the Ark? No, he came forth out of the ark...
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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10 Signs Your Vet Bill Is Going To Require Financing
- The doc's thermometer registers in Fahrenheit, Celsius and dollars.
- The bill came with payment coupons.
- Your Doberman just ate the receptionist.
- "He has a very rare blood type. It's called '$$ Positive.'"
- He starts talking about extended quality of life, miracles of modern veterinary medicine and joint replacement procedures. You own a goldfish.
- They take away the blood sample on a sterling silver serving tray.
- The sad, pathetic whining in the exam room is coming from the owners.
- You suddenly realize where you've heard that low whistle before: from the plumber and the auto mechanic.
- "Do you have any idea how expensive hamster defibrillators are?"
and the #1 Sign Your Veterinary Bill is Going to Require Financing:
- "We can rebuild him. Make him stronger, faster...."
Submitted by Bruce, Cold Harbor, Ill
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| What a split second looks like - Download Slide Show Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.
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Rednecks again...
![[]](../../../pictures/2010/rn1.jpg)
Redneck Yard Swing
Redneck Cellar
Redneck Thanksgiving
Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, Va.
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Jan 11th Humor Page
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