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Summer Classes for Men
Due to the Complexity and Difficulty
Level Of Their Contents, Class Sizes Will Be Limited to 8 Participants
Maximum.
- Class 1: How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
--- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and
Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
- Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It
Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00
for 2 hours.
- Class 3: Is It Possible To Urinate Using The
Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby
Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2
hours.
- Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between The
Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
- Class 5: After Dinner Dishes --- Can They
Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4
weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
- Class 6: Loss Of Identity --- Losing The
Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support
Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.
- Class 7: Learning How To Find Things ---
Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House
Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
- Class 8: Health Watch --- Bringing Her
Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three
nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
- Class 9: Real Men Ask For Directions When
Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be
determined.
- Class 10: Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit
Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks,
Saturday noon, 2 hours.
- Class 11: Learning to Live --- Basic
Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.
- Class 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping
Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7:00
PM.
- Class 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy ---
Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and
Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions
and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday
at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
- Class 14: The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and
How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be
determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, PA.
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Once upon a time, long, long ago there
were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa.
Both, it seems, had human-like
qualities that made them claim territory, daring the other to cross over
the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf was a
well traveled trail through the jungle.
All day every day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the trail
at their compatriot, daring him to cross into their territory.
The local natives knew of this animal feud, but all this was unbeknown
to African Jack, a well-known and must publicized guide who did not
speak Lionese and was unfamiliar with the territory.
While he was leading a safari through the jungle, walking all day and
cutting vines with their machetes, all this constant hacking brush had
them worn to a frazzle. After seeing two or three of his safari drop
from exhaustion, African Jack decided to stop on the trail between these
two lions and camp for the night.
After sitting up camp, eating, and getting his safari settled African
Jack sat on a stump and began reading. While he was busily engaged in
the printed page, the two lions, simultaneously, pounced on African Jack
and ate him on the spot.
When the 6 o'clock news heard of the tragedy, they reported, "African
Jack killed this evening. The motive is unclear, but it is reported he
was reading between the lions."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire,
England
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Recent Quips from Late
Night - Take 18 "On some
flights the only thing airlines are letting you take on are a passport
and cash. The passport, of course, for identification and the cash, so
they can sell you a bottle of water for $20." --Jay Leno
"The big story still is the big terror plot foiled in Britain. Earlier
today, a top official in England said, 'Britain is living through its
most frightening time since the second World War.' Of course, he wasn't
counting that three-year run by the Spice Girls." --Conan O'Brien
Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman lost his party's nomination for the
U.S. Senate. Like the statesman he is, the senator went out with dignity
-- by not going out at all. He's running as what he calls an Independent
Democrat. Bravo, Senator. Never give up. Make them pry the key to the
Senate wash room from your cold, dead hands. Joe, it's not your own
future you're fighting for. You're fighting for the future of America."
--Stephen Colbert
"Officials say these terrorists targeted United, American and
Continental airlines. You know what that means? Even terrorists won't
fly Southwest." --Jay Leno
"President Bush, of course, is responding to the crisis. He's on
vacation. That's his plan. He'll show them ... President Bush is on
vacation in Texas right now. This is true. He's urging his staff to join
the 100-degree club by running three miles in 100-degree heat. Experts
say it's proof that the president an come up with a bad idea at any
level." --Conan O'Brien
"Apparently the Dixie Chicks had to cancel 14 shows on their tour,
because of slow ticket sales. There's some concern they're losing their
fan base. How ironic is that? They finally have something in common with
President Bush." --Jay Leno
Also Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire,
England
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Bubba walked into a doctor's office
and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Bubba said, Shingles. So she
wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to
have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out
and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his
height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the
examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked
Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood
test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to
take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba
what he had. Bubba said, shingles. The doctor asked, Where? Bubba said,
"Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"
Submitted by Bill, Gettysburg,
PA.
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More amazing sidewalk
drawings ...
Submitted by Jay, Long Island, NY.
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August 25th Humor Page
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