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A well lit man is sitting at a bar and
strikes up a conversation with a gent next to him
The drunk laments about a serious injury
that occurred to his horse. "He backed into a wooden fence and got a
large splinter in his...I can't remember the term the Vet told me," said
the old soak.
The gentleman next to him asked,
"Rectum?"
"Wreck'em???! Wreck'em???! exclaimed
the souse. It damn near killed him!!!!"
Submitted by Ray, Norristown, PA
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A big Texan saw Billy Bob standing next
to a big horse
This prompts the Texan to attempt to realise a lifelong dream and he
says to Bill Bob, "Say Boy, that's a fine-lookin horse you got there,
and I'd like to tour this beautiful country on horseback so's I can see
the sights and hear the sounds of the countryside like they did in the
old days. I'll buy that horse off of ya, how much ya want."
Billy Bob says, "O sure and you don't want to be messin with this horse
he don't look too good these days."
"Hey, Boy," says the Texan, "Don't you try to tell me what's a good
lookin' horse an what isn't. I been tradin' horses all my life long and
there ain't nothin a young country boy like you can tell me about em.
Now you jes name yer price and we'll get along fine."
"I'm sayin' to ye that this horse is not a good lookin horse mister and
ye don't want any part of 'im," says Billy Bob.
The Texan is getting angry now. "Listen up Boy, he says, you leave me be
the judge of what's good lookin and what's not and jes give me the price
and I'll pay cash right here and now."
"Oh well," says Billy Bob, "Two-thousand of your American dollars then."
"Deal!" says the Texan and he hands over the money, Bill Bob unties the
horse and the Texan leads him off.
The horse walks smack into the first lampost in the way, and the Texan
turns to Billy Bob and says, "Hey, Boy, you a durned swindler, you didn'
tell me this here horse was blind!"
Billy Bob just shrugged his shoulders and said "I keep tellin' you he
don't look too good!"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Never Send a Right Mail to a
Wrong Female A husband and a wife were
going on a vacation to the tropics. The husband was flying in from a
business trip a day early and checked into a hotel. There was a computer
in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife to let her know
he was in. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and
without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston , a widow had
just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her
e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the 1st message, she fainted. The
widow's son rushed into the room found his mother on the floor and saw
the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've just checked in
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They
have computers here; we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've
just been checked in. It’s hotter then I expected down here. I’ve got
everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!
Your loving Hubby
Submitted by Karthikeyan,
somewhere in India!
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Jack decided to go skiing with his
buddy, Bob...
So they loaded up Jack's minivan
and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a
terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the
attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I
have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she
explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my
house"
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to
sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first
light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and
settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they
got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later , Jack got an
unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure
it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that
attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob,
do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on
our ski holiday up north, about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the
night and go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed
about being found out "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of
telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, look,
I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different,
didn't you?)
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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Never tell your wife how to paint
... Download Video
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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The latest victim of E-Coli in Spinach
Submitted by just about
everyone one of our regular contributors!
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Oct 2 Humor Page
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