In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.

"What did you take?" his priest asked.

"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."

"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"

Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md.
 

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If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine Into someone's day, he went to pay for his Groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much .. I only bought 5 items.."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said

You'd be paying for her things, too."

Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!

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Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. "Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. "Have a great day!"

Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $32.79, and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am. We can't accept anything larger than a fifty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy.

"But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned.

"I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it."

Also submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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One day a small Indian boy asked him how he chose the names for all the children.

"Well, my son," the chief replied, "When I step out of my tepee, I name each child after the first thing I see.

"For instance, when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a pale moon rising, I say - you shall be called, Pale-Moon-Rising."

"And when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a hawk flying over, I say - you shall be called, Hawk-Flying-Over."

"So why do you ask, Big-Dog Pooping?"
 

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..., and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "and how is Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?"

She replied "You did that, Father."

"And be there any little ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father," said she.

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you."

"Oh, thank you, Father." And away she went.

Some years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful," he said. "And how is your lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he's gone to Rome to blow out your bloody' candle."

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'Cat Wakeup Call' - Every Cat lover will appreciate this one - Download Video

Submitted by Mary Jo, Emmitsburg, Md.
 

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Why Pets Hate Halloween

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Oct 24th Humor Page