... her thimble fell l into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family .

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked

The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
 

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"Republicans are still angry about this 10-day-old MoveOn.org ad. You know, the General Petraeus, he betrayed us. And the Senate actually voted to condemn an ad. That's what your government did yesterday, they held a vote to pass a resolution to condemn an ad with a pun it in. And then they had oreos and braided each other's hair." --Bill Maher

"It's getting pretty nasty out there on the campaign trail. This week, Hillary Clinton referred to Vice President Dick Cheney as Darth Vader. ... And today, he demanded an apology. Not Dick Cheney, Darth Vader." --Jay Leno

"But, come on, it's not all bad. Hillary did call Dick Cheney Darth Vader. ... Which is very unfair, because Darth Vader would have caught bin Laden by now." --Bill Maher

"The White House has announced that during President Bush's last year in office, he's going to visit more countries than in any other year of his presidency. Bush says he's going to accomplish all this in one weekend by going to Epcot Center." --Conan O'Brien

"An MIT student named Star Simpson walked into Logan Airport in Boston today with a fake bomb strapped to her chest. ... She said it was art, but of course they took it very seriously. Police were called. In fact, it got so scary, it actually scared Senator Larry Craig right out of the airport men's room" --Jay Leno

"Last night, yet another Democratic presidential debate. ... The Democratic presidential candidates took part in a debate sponsored by the senior citizen group AARP. To win over the crowd, each candidate came out strongly against the War of 1812" --Conan O'Brien

"The Democrat-controlled Congress' approval rating is now somewhere between rectal itch and that (jerk) on the Internet who says 'leave Britney alone.' ... Their approval ratings is 11%. 11%! They were so stunned at this number, the Democrats, that it sent a chill up and down where their spine used to be." --Bill Maher

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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... I knew right then and there that it was going to be a really bad day!  The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it... he was a DWARF!

He looked up at me and said " Hey buddy, I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well then, which dwarf ARE you?"

And that's how the fight started.

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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... when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine to me!"

"My God, what had you told them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.

The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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The cute male pooch, born with a perfect heart-shaped patch on its side, has been suitably named Heartkun by its owner in northern Japan.

The one-and-a-half-month-old pup was born as one of a big litter, but is the only new arrival to sport such a heart-warming coat.

According to owner Emiko Sakurada, this is the first occasion a puppy with such marks had been born out of the more than one thousand Chihuahuas she has bred.

 

Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed.
 

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Oct 1st Humor Page